There are not many moments we enter where it is easily said….without a doubt. But there are moments and these moments affirm the certainty which than carries us through uncertain times. Trust, faith and conviction all help as well as having practices and tools that keep us integrated to our center. Aligned not so much with the chaos but the mystical potency our highest being holds. There are things for me that I know to be true without a doubt. That every single one of us are sacred at our core. Yes, even the ones I might not agree with completely. That love is real. My vision and clarity of where I am headed aligned with faith in the present moment is much more serving and supportive than questioning everything. That the sun's light is steady and that somehow things always work out…you know…everything is going to be ok. There is an energetic forecast that reveals a heightened intensity for this month. (Personally I feel I have been in this intensity and am so grateful to those from whom I turn to for healing, growth, inspiration & support). Being able to care for yourself daily in ways that keep you in tune, grounded and clear are essential. If you have been in a place of surrender, ecstatic expression, challenge, sad, on fire, it's going to continue to be extreme. Freaking out won't really help anyone, thing or yourself so recognize how you are choosing to participate. Cultivating practical processes that keep you connected to your highest expression of love & light will feed the faith that banishes doubt. This months podcast theme is all about sustenance, so perhaps its time to be committed to personal clarity so we can be supportive of the collective.
Right? That’s the idea of yoga, to learn how to be present or this present moment is a gift… Well it turns out that at this moment -I’m wide awake and I’ve been up since 4:30AM. Yes, I should be tired, but yoga has also taught me how to utilize my energy and be more in the flow, aligned with the currents entering the life that is flowing threw me, as me, as this moment. So here I am, almost an entire year later writing on this blog.
What took me so long? Life happened. I wrote the first ten pages of a book reflecting on the past ten years and it occurred to me that I hadn’t truly processed the fact that I almost died. That day someone else’s path collided with mine I was in and out of consciousness touch and go. Ten years later I realized I hadn’t taken the time to sit with it. Yes it motivated me. You could say I’ve been on a 10 year energy drink. Yes, I have faced many of the physical aspects and even spiritual aspects, but not the subtleties of reality. I was not in a position to process or even strong enough to stare at my own truth. To seriously encounter the fire pit of my heart, it wasn’t the right time then. So…I’ve been processing, accepting, allowing, and now here I am acting, co-creating.
Though the clock has struck midnight, I don’t consider the day over until I’ve slept and so today I am committing to 108 days of sharing my contemplations. A teacher in town has created a challenge if you will, 108 days of yoga. I meditate everyday, teach a good bit, do asana a lot, so I’ve decided to do something that scares me…write. Yep, write in a way that affords you an opportunity to bring forward the truth of your own heart. I’m dedicating it to my grandmother who on this first day of May 15 years ago had no idea that it would be the last May of her life. Besides, she always told me that I really needed to write IT down.
Gilda Joann Albano Poppleton, this is for you!
Mistakes & all…
Warning – This one may be rather raw.
I think I have said – Are you fucking kidding me – in the past two years more than I have said in my entire lifetime. Please know that when I say this it comes from a place of heaviness, dismay, and great sadness or total bewilderment. I remember exactly when it all started…and it hasn’t stopped. It’s one thing when someone passes when they have lived, you know a lifetime. At least the way you and I experience a lifetime where we celebrate let’s say at minimum 65 birthdays (although if you are in your 60’s and reading this you still have a lifetime ahead of you. Also as a side note, in my life it actually began in May 1999, but it has accelerated in the past 25 months. Rather than listing out all the loss or effects of people making bad choices that has left so many in my life with big holes in their heart, I’d rather share this…
I was watching Oprah this weekend. It’s a new trend in my life but Opera and I share the belief that EVERYTHING is spiritual and I find myself more and more grateful for the work she is doing in her own way. Then yesterday someone said to me, why when everything is great in our life we say ‘praise god’ or ‘thank the lord’ but when things go wrong god doesn’t have anything to do with it or that we aren’t allowed to be angry at god. In my opinion God does not have favorites. If you go to church every sunday, bad things can still happen. If you don’t go to church every Sunday, good things can happen. For clarity, I don’t believe we have all fallen from grace, but rather descended from grace and that this life is an opportunity to evolve and expand. Hence my previous post… Living Optimistically Visualizing Evolution. I also don’t feel god has a grand plan for us or shuts us out of god’s club, nor does god pass judgement. These are all my feelings based on my experience of life. I do believe there is a lot that we can’t see or understand and that if we could, life wouldn’t be so painful, but then there wouldn’t be an opportunity to grow nor experience the full spectrum of life.
Back to Oprah. She was in conversation with Gary Zukav, who up until this weekend I did not know existed. As I was listening to him, all kinds of light bulbs started going off and many parts of how I live started to weave together in a whole new crystalized vision. One thing that he said I’ve spent the past 48 hours contemplating. I am not anyone who takes what someone says and do it just because they say so instead I look at it and inquire deeply about it to see if there is any validity for me. Gary was talking about how we have choices, it’s one of the most beautiful things we have in this experience in life. But that every choice has consequences. Yes, it can work out just the way you had intended, or it holds the possibility of offering a form, an experience of life that you didn’t see coming. Right, it’s kind of like flipping a coin and saying heads or tails. You choose one, knowing there is a good chance that it could land on the side that you didn’t choose. But life isn’t a gamble, but rather an opportunity to understand all the possibilities so that as you make choices you are better prepared for what may come your way. This is great to remember, but we forget.
Cosmic amnesia is how my beloved meditation teacher Paul Muller Ortega refers to these moments of forgetting. That everyone forgets, and it is good to forget as there is a moment that the beauty and wonderment, love and peace will reveal itself…someday, sometime, at some point in your journey. But if we can empower ourselves to know that the possibilities are endless. Though we may want something so bad, we try incredibly hard to make it happen, there is always the possibility that it can turn and go a whole other direction.
This is not meant to be depressing, but instead to be enlightening. As I step out into my day today I will carry the intention to be the best possible person that I know how to be. That I will make choices with integrity and try to hold the light and love that all beings deserve as well as contain, but I will also carry the awareness that things can go wrong, that I can hear more news that will cause me to say ‘are you freaking kidding me’ and then I will breathe deep and remember the vast possibilities that invokes every feeling, emotion, and the opportunity to carry the highest intention and to act from a place of love is always available to me.
Have you ever had a moment where you’ve been introduced to a new form of love? An experience you’ve never quite encountered. It spins you into a realm where all pieces of you are completely illuminated. You feel wild and free, intoxicated by love’s great potency. Nourished by the great elixir of life. Then, all that is sustaining you, all that keeps you going, disappears completely almost in the blink of an eye. The unbearable loss of love, a loss that lasts an eternity leaving the heart utterly empty. Defeated and feeling ruined entirely. Devastated to a level that the memories of such splendor begin to fade. You start to forget such a love ever existed. Yet because you can’t deny or doubt the love existed in the first place the pain becomes even more brutal. The sweet seed the prior moments were born from have disappeared completely. Then one day after time has helped heal, a loving memory appears. A glimpse of brilliance resurfaces. A little glimmer, a little spark, a reminder that you were never left in the dark.
There is a fairly popular book out there that contains a verse that reminds us love is the greatest gift of them all. Love is patient and love is kind. Love never fails and knows no enemy. Love always protects. Love is the answer. Love is the key. Faith, hope & love in unity.
Science speaks of the chemistry of love, what attracts us to love. Science also tells us that what goes up, must come down. That for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Change is constant. Particles are in a flow of expansion and contraction and that atoms are a combination of positive and negative. That we are made up of nothing more than star dust. Each of us are a long line of success that goes beyond chemistry and some things are better left a mystery. In the words of Einstein, ‘the most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious’.
It’s the mystery though that can sometimes be painful. We offer great gratitude when everything aligns and unfolds sweetly. When the path is clear, we don’t ask questions. It’s when our heart’s ache in loss or uncertainty that we ask why. It’s when the mystery seems to create misery. When loosing love we need a map. A map that guides us and helps us navigate when all else seems to be hidden.
Anusara & Blue Throat Yoga introduced me to a wonderful map of mysticism. It takes the premise that all things are born from a seed of love and we can learn to navigate with Grace. There are many aspects to the map. One part is all that is manifested arises from a cosmic dance of bliss. The dance offers 5 divine acts (pancha krityas). This actions are creation, sustenance, dissolution, concealment, and revelation. In order for something new to be born, something else must fade away or evolve into a new form or offering. Love is born, love is sustained, love fades, love is hidden, love is re-awoken. Grace is the source that offers a revelation.
It’s all rather magical, until we forget. When we don’t fully know or haven’t really recognized. Yet it’s from the mystery that we gain insight. The hard part is knowing that love, like grace is ever present. Love is the fabric which never fades. Love is all there is, so love all ways. We learn to love the memory that never fades.
In loving memory of all we’ve lost so mysteriously.