It’s a rainy afternoon. The trees are planted. The boys are all asleep with one on my lap, one sitting next to me and the other at my feet. The rhythm of my life offers more introspection and having these moments allows for me to be sharp, steady & clear when it’s time to step out into the world. I’m grateful though it sometimes feels I’m missing out on all the action of the world. Or I’ll miss the deadline with assignments from graduate school. Yet the growth that’s a result of many hours of inquiry is priceless. The supportive energy of those also on this journey (way too many to list) has been the best company. Though there have been many challenges as a mom, I’ve never been more fulfilled and satisfied in all areas of my life before. There’s adversity/challenges and there’s resilience/opportunity. I’m starting to feel resilience surfaces when you’re aligned with your own inner wisdom more than performing at a level that generates outward success. Maybe it’s because I’m into yoga, counseling and coaching all avenues that facilitate awareness, balance and harmony. Or perhaps it’s just the experience my life has provided that I’ve remained open to. But on this stormy afternoon, I’m hanging out in deep gratitude that I have slowed down and developed a stronger relationship with myself that’s allowing me to also connect more authentically with those that I care for and engage with in my life.
What are you planting in your inner landscape?I ask as this is how you see the world and well, the world brings to you what you see. It goes back to the idea that everything is energy and that there is a simple default of the universe that we know called the Law of Attraction. It however is not the law of I think positive so only good positive things happen. That is the law of foolish thought. Instead it is a recognition that you can choose what you want to feel. Then once you’ve begun to connect to feelings and energy that are supportive, nourishing and encouraging, well then you know how to go out into the world to connect to these qualities.
Here’s an example. I’ve spent a lot of time acknowledging that I am fortunate as I was conditioned to always see the good in a situation. So while my husband and I are not supporting a robust bank account we live an abundant life that is rich with experience and opportunities to participate with what we cultivate and also with what we are provided. Yes we work, pay bills and have responsibilities, but our mindset is aligned with how we want to experience our life.
We have a friend that is also abundant yet she regularly speaks of how broke they are, that they will have to dip into savings and that they are struggling. It’s kind of a drag as she’s experiencing life from this vantage point, one of scarcity and lack. So our lives, actually pretty parallel, are being experienced completely different. All because of the way we perceive. So the world may easily provide both of us the same, one of us will embrace it from the perspective of lack and the other from the perspective of abundance.
But it goes deeper than that. I can’t just think positively about my life or bank account. I tried that and fooled myself into a dark spiral. I’ve had to work on understanding what abundance and prosperity really feel like and connect to those feelings while also acknowledging limiting and lower energies like sadness, anger (lots of that really) and fear/doubt. I also have worked way hard on not silencing these energies or suppressing them and instead welcoming them, giving them a voice on the committee but not allowing them to be the director. I had to ask for help, get vulnerable, let my guard down and stop hiding as well as trying to do it all in my own. And I continue to be real. It’s just that this reality includes authentic joy, abundance and honestly I feel like I’m prospering! And when I doubt myself, which I will, probably when I go to post this, I won’t ignore or pretend the doubt isn’t there. Instead I’ll ask myself why am I feeling like this. What message is behind this energy and is that message honoring my true self. You could say I hold my emotions accountable and and allow them to be guides, hero’s really rather than villains.
Think about it. You are part of this universe and what do you believe the universe, world, your life to be? Now tell me what you are experiencing in your life. If that’s too much, look at other people in your life and what they are experiencing. It’s easier only because the tendency to take it personally is less.
Now what would it be like to get in touch with a perspective that is anchored in belief, thought & emotion that supported you, your life, those you love? And you woke up to what makes a major shift in how you experience life and then this starts to amplify into more success, love, gratitude, abundance and prosperity. Pretty good? What will it be like if you just continue on as you are right now?
Last example…my passion is to support people in their growth, to help them recognize they deserve a radiant life as they, we all, are a magnificent miracle. I have had this passion since I was very little. But somewhere along the way I got a message that said I had to give up a piece of me in order for someone else to grow. Another layer of that message, I would lose something significant to gain something. When you read this you might relate or think that is such a ridiculous belief. It was my unconscious normal and in my quest to serve I have lost a lot. There’s one more layer. Though I love to support people there are other amazing people that do it way better than me so I must continue to learn more and once I’ve learned enough I’ll be ready to really help others the way I have always envisioned. This has been a safe way of limiting myself and supporting the belief that nothing more will be taken from me. These beliefs by the way are no ones fault and I blame no one. But I have done some serious investigating and realized that this is my inner landscape. It was an unconscious one for most of my life. So no matter how much I learn the inner soil won’t allow it to blossom because I have unknowingly allowed in an invasive species that is not aligned with the natural environment choking out the potential.
Thank goodness I have had a strong pursuit to learn more because it’s directed me back to my truth. The fertile soil that is allowing the treasures of my heart to be revealed and it is bountiful! I also know that I will continue to seek more and grow more, I’ll continue to draw support from others that believe in me. But I’m done hiding. I’ve realized that the world is waiting on me and my light. It’s waiting on yours too by the way. And well it’s amazing!
So I’m putting together something special that takes all my gifts and brings forward an opportunity to reveal to you your own gifts. Yes, I already have a package put together and if anything I’ve been saying resonates, reach out, let’s talk and gain some clarity. But if you are interested in a day where you immerse yourself into an experience that will elevate you, support you, and nourish your inner landscape in a way that you can live with more abundance. Stay tuned as this is going to be a very impactful presentation that is tailored to your specific needs. Yes it’s a chance for you to truly discover your brilliant, beautiful, bada•s self! And if you don’t feel like waiting to find out what it is, I’m happy to tell you, but you have to reach out to me!
When the universe, cosmos, guiding spirits know you need to take a moment and rest deep, there is a sweet organization that has you escaping traffic to arrive at the studio with plenty of time before you sub a class. While all parts were put in motion, including everyone that was there enjoying class, the studio's existence and the regularly scheduled teacher galavanting through France, and your friend is teaching in a language that speaks to your heart could have resulted in me just sitting there waiting for my turn to teach or it could have resulted in me unrolling my mat to enjoy the best part of class. I chose to boldly enter class focusing on the final 15 minutes rather than the other 60 I had missed. Man, it was one of the better decisions I had made all day and to be honest it was all my being could take.
That moment gratitude flowed through every cell, a deep sense of renewal & ease embraced my reality. Mind you I did setubandha sarvangasan (bridge), then a little twist, supta pada angustassna (reclined hand to foot extension) and a sweet little pranayama (breath expansion), but there she was, the part of my home practice I don't really enjoy too well. Yet today was different because there was a subtle shift that was especially powerful.
My day included seeing my osteopath, the one I've been fortunate to see since I was 13, and taking my son to also receive a treatment. Both sessions provided great release & big shifts in a non-aggressive manipulative way. The conversation I had with my doctor included the usual anatomy, subtle body, review of past trauma, the somatic imprint of emotions not being released, how there is momentum to see the body, mind & spirit as united rather than separate, the difference of intellect & embodiment & of course how osteopathy views the body of holding an intelligence where the work done my the doctor is not trying to fix but rather be a catalyst. Yes a catalyst!
CATALYST ~ something that causess an important event to happen.
As I melted in Savasana every cell of my being smiled. This pose, the one where you lie there, eyes closed, on the floor 'playing dead' is a major catalyst..agent…generator…transformer…creator. It shows you what was already there. By relaxing at the very end, you settle in & allow the pace of your life, the energy of your groove, it slows down. The thing or idea of savasana is to remain aware, witnessing your own body shift into a greater state of ease…moving from doing to being. This expression differs greatly from snoring through savasana or figuring out how to do that darn pose that that one girl made look so easy. It's also different from wondering how much longer or who else is in the room. It's rather where you settle in and watch, see, experience your body's ability to be wrapped up in pure harmony, delight & grace.
It ain't easy let me tell you. Usually I'd rather move a lot & try out some pose that rewards my physical & intellectual in order to have a level of exhaustion. So to just show up for Savasana, took a lot of alignment, but it took me opening up to what was already there. The gratitude, ease, delight were just waiting to reveal themselves.
Thank you yoga for once again helping me wake up to what was there. To aiding my journey into greater healing, heart connection/expansion & inspirational action. What pose wakes you up with the least amount of exertion?
I find myself dancing an interesting dance….being pulled in different directions and wanting to be in more than one place at a time. I know I am not the only one. I have started this post for the past 4 months in my mind and have contemplated some pretty relevant topics and even taught on the ideas, but they never made it onto paper. Even as I type this late Tuesday evening, my eye lids are heavy and I am questioning if I really have anything significant to say. Yet, I really am wanting to put something out there, not for you, just for me, for my own sense of self, for my own connection to what it is I love to do….share the inquiry.
Where does my heart lie? I ask myself this on a daily basis, what is most important. There is the obvious answer, my son and my husband and our ability to function as a loving family. Then there is the reminder that my heart whispers, don't forget about you, the you you have spent your whole life getting to know, the you that loves to engage with people and talk the deeper aspects of life. The you that teaches yoga, practices yoga, the you that is in graduate school, the you that loves to support others on their journey to wholeness. It's a beautiful and complicated contemplation…how do I do both and still maintain my sanity? Is it possible to maintain my sanity? Is it possible to do both or do I have to choose one over the other? Will I be asking myself these questions for the rest of my life…probably.
So, I am working on cultivating a deep respect for not having the answers. Working on being present and doing what I do in the best way possible. Saying yes to me and saying yes to my son and husband, it's quite the trifecta, but I do feel it is possible. Everything takes a little longer and perhaps I am not as with it as I once was nor as productive, yet it's worth it. I am learning more about myself and amazed at how easily being a domestic woman comes to me as well as how comfortable I am in that role. I am learning that I love the practice of yoga, all 20 minutes that I am lucky to get, and I am incredibly grateful for the many years prior that I have been able to travel, train, practice and experience. I realize more every day that I am fortunate to have someone in my life that is supportive of me as I navigate this new identity. Though it feels that I am hitting pause on certain aspects of my life, other areas are in full effect. It's all very real and it's all very much a balance we all seek to find….the dance between personal, professional and family/friends. So if you don't hear from me, it is because I am trying to figure it all out….no joke.
Do any of you think about how amazing life is while peeling a banana? Yes, these are thoughts that went through my mind as I peeled and froze bananas tonight. This happens to me a lot with food. I am ever curious to who decided to eat the banana? The garlic? The sweet potato? I then proceeded to think to myself of how many people don’t believe in the divine, god, the greater whole, and that made me sad.
There is such a correlation, pattern, basic flow that moves us in such a way we feel compelled to freeze bananas. (I also made rotisserie chicken salad and was sad that though free range and all natural chickens don’t get to fly like an eagle or even like a crow). Yes, I think, a lot, but it brings me to a point of gratitude and I then continue to offer thanks to all the food that sits before me. I give thanks to the individual that thought the banana would be a good thing to eat. I give thanks to the idea that nature provides just what we need.