Yoga teaches a simple concept that comes through the three letters A-U-M. The idea that things are created, sustained and then dissolve. But it is continuous, constant, and non linear. This concept has enabled me to acknowledged many moments in my life when anything new to develops, something has to let go, fade or dissolve completely. For something to have the opportunity to be sustained, it has to be created and ultimately that creation will also dissolve. For me it is a dance, the rhythm of life. For some they reflect on how it signals that there is a beginning, middle and end to all things. What was, what is, and what shall be. This view has helped me through some of the harder times in my life as I could trust that if I had to say goodbye to someone or something, it only allowed for another hello. But as I am in a new cycle in my life this holds even greater meaning and reveals a major importance in my ability to let go. Mind you, intellectually I get it, experientially it is brutal and one of the more challenging aspects of life.
We live it everyday. The sun rises, a new day is created, the sun's light (even if it is hiding behind a cloud) shines on each of us sustaining this day, and then ultimately it will set, the day dissolves into night. The cycle repeats itself, yet that day that was sustained is now over, forever, but the creation of it is with us always. This simple display of the movement of consciousness demonstrates, on one level, what was created is never really lost. The form in which we new it simply changes in order for something new and marvelous to arise. However knowing that we will never get it back, that's tough. I don't think we can be good at always sustaining this level of awareness, we need the ability to forget. The healing process is even a process of letting go yet we are always graced with the opportunity to remember.
Here now, at this juncture of my life, I am watching a new life be created. This life is depleting me of some of my own vitality and enthusiasm, but also sustaining me on a level I never knew possible. Yes it is sustaining me! Science will tell you I am sustaining them, while science is important, it robs the individual of a miraculous experience. My body, my womb, is home to this manifestation of consciousness right now. In order for this to happen, I had to let go of being scared. I had to release the fear of will I be good enough, will I still have moments to dance in the moonlight, will I be a good partner, will I loose my mind? I had to let go of my tough and independent self that loves to show she can do it all on her own. I have had to create a new partnership, not just with my husband, but with the universe, the mysterious, magical, and miraculous. I had to let go of being in control and had to be ok with not always sustaining a presence that looks like I know what I am doing (or even talking about) – period. But it doesn't stop there.
As I opened myself to being a vehicle to create new life, I have witnessed stronger connections with people. This belief that we are all in this together, united by a higher consciousness, well it is being sustained with every encounter. There is a level of union and connection that goes well beyond anything I have ever experienced. It's a connection to the feminine and masculine expression of divine love that sparkles in everyone's eyes. I am sensitive to the heart ache, the loss, and the difficulties in being able to conceive. I have watched first hand how it can beat the heart up to a point where the world appears incredibly dark. This process in of itself blows my mind as so many have experienced painful loss in order to create. So I am humbled to a new level and discovering that humility and patience truly sustain us. It's that space in between the creation and dissolution that is a little scary, murky, yet it is the space that love is sustained, the space that allows for the continuous cycle of life and death, love and heartbreak. It's beautiful even though it is uncomfortable.
It blows me away really, that this life will surface through a great destruction on a physical, mental and emotional level, but that terrifying moment (for me anyways) of giving birth, well, it promises to provide a memory that will last a lifetime. Destroying what has been to sustain a new level of consciousness that is guaranteed to create a new level of experience that I can hardly imagine. This I think is really what it is all about…for me, right now, at this moment…until this contemplation fades and a new one begins to reveal itself.