Last night I was in a conversation with someone very close to me. We were talking of the normal day to day stuff and then we found ourselves in a deeper conversation of faith and spirituality. The conversation came about from a place of love. I was asked how I could think there was a divine force at play when bad things happen to good people. Those bad things are why so many feel life, our existence is totally random. I get it. There is a lot of pain and suffering in the world, but there is also a lot of joy and natural beauty.
I respect fully anyone who feels there is no rhyme or reason. There are people in my own life, really great people who are so very dear to me, that have had some really horrible stuff happen to them. Those painful, challenging, and incredibly trying moments will challenge anyone’s faith. How can I trust fully that there is a deeper order, that the whole is cosmically being organized and sequenced rather than totally random? My life, and what I have experienced first hand, is a living testament to the exquisite unfolding.
I don’t have a traditional view on life, never really have, nor do I feel we are destined for anything, that it’s not all planned out and we must act accordingly. Actually, I use to think life threw stones at us. Some really big, others tiny and itty bitty. Kind of like how our planet is suspended in the sky. Picture the earth out in space, there are a tons of rocks out there as well, and if everything wasn’t in complete alignment, we, as a planet, would be running into stones all the time. So I thought the same about our individual experience. That if your thoughts, words, actions, weren’t aligning with your heart and the heart that pulsates all of us into existence, you’d get bulldozed and knocked down completely. That these challenges would continue until you could recognize them and change your attitude or your actions. As I’ve experienced more and matured, no longer do I think life is out to ‘get you’.
I realize that you can be a really good person and still get run over and beat up. I don’t feel the universe is out to do any harm, or intentionally inflict pain. Nor do I feel that we have all fallen from grace and will continue to get pushed down if we don’t follow a set of rules or believe in one thing. I’ve begun to realize that which knocks us over is our own stuff, collectively and individually. We have stirred up and agitated crud through our existence for thousands of years. That when humans act from a place of ignorance, lack of respect or even placing themselves above anyone, we create a mutation, a film, that blinds or fogs the atmosphere in which we are living. Kind of like a shadow, since a shadow is when the rays of light are being blocked. When something is blocked a disturbance is created. I don’t condemn or curse the shadow, for when something is blocked, we can adjust, change and reveal a fuller expression of light. It is an opportunity for growth. Without the imprints we couldn’t evolve. But the opportunity is lost if we don’t recognize, even honor them and willing to work through them.
Because there are so many of us, it’s not so obvious when the light is being blocked by ourselves or others. In a way, our human-ness has created a mess. But darkness falls daily, the earth constantly turns away from the light. Then the earth once again orientates itself back to the light. Without the night, there would be no rest. No time to turn in, grow quiet, renew our own selves again. Without the darkness we’d never see all the many expressions of the light, all those stars shining so bright as far as the eye can see. Even with the dark night, the sun never stops shining it’s light. For as long as we’ve ever known the sun has never ceased to shine bright.
Nature itself reveals this deep order. This bigger, universal order, is reflected in the microcosm of our lives as well. We are made of the same ingredients as the stars in the sky. Whether we think it’s random or that there is a cosmic organizer out there, we are blessed with the opportunity to make a choice. The freedom to choose is an enormous point here. When life comes fast and hard and knocks you down, how do you rise up…again? When you get a huge scoop of ‘that’s not fair’ it’s what you decide to do that matters. If it was all random why would we have the will to live? Why would the earth revolve around the sun. Shit happens, and when it does we tend to turn away from the light. We question, doubt, challenge all that we have ever known. We are in the dark wondering how could this possibly be? Life is a playful mystery. Even when it all feels so random, its so very hard to see, but we are always given an opportunity to return to the light. It was never taken completely from us. Just like the darkness of the night, the sun was always shining. We don’t stay knocked down, the rays of light aren’t always blocked. Understanding this deeper order we can cultivate all that is rise up with integrity. Integrating the order of our hearts with the hearts of each other, the relative with the absolute, the individual with the universal. The earth, the planet in which we experience this life on, does it endlessly, tirelessly, consistently orientating itself to the light of the sun. Orbiting through the galaxy in harmony with so many other dense rocks and blazing balls of fire.
For some we will need to see it to believe it. Instead I choose to believe it so I can see it, live it to know it. It’s not always easy, but when I look out into the world, take a cosmic perspective I can see there is great order in this mystery.
you truly speak the heart’s language, jan