Courage is about being brave but it usually makes me feel sick to my stomach. I love helping people, making their life/yoga more enjoyable. I’m the pleaser again and again so I stay quiet rather than make anyone else uncomfortable.
In the book I’m reading by Brene Brown she gives an early definition of courage “to speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart”. My dad tells me that I am not just honest but can be brutally honest and if you have had yoga class with me then you know sometimes I have a little sting :). But I am comfortable to speak my heart with my family and as a yoga teacher/co-worker because my heart can’t tolerate it otherwise. Have you had a conversation with someone that was uncomfortable but you had to do it because your heart gave you an ultimatum? Speaking from your heart openly & honestly. No longer sitting behind the illusion that it’s all good. Your, mine, everyone’s life is going to contain pain, it’s inevitable, yet if you’re steady to your truth you’ll get through it, I promise.
Then I realized the other part of this is being honest with both yourself and with others. (Brown speaks on this and it hit hard for me). Acting like you’re not that excited about something or someone. Playing down your enthusiasm so that if it doesn’t work you won’t get hurt. I’ve been hurt a lot, by people, by loss, by humans being humans. Physically, mentally and emotionally hurt and so I play down all the time. “No worries, not a problem, I don’t really give a sh*t”. I am certain this is a coping/defense mechanism that protects my heart and keeps me guarded so I don’t get sizzled…or look like a fool….or flat out betrayed.
Perhaps if we go for things and tell people how we really feel knowing that or being aware that it may not work out, that it may not go over well, or we may crash and burn, that instead of down playing our excitement we move courageously from our hearts, that if it does happen we can experience it much more fully. That we give ourselves the greater cause to celebrate, that we make it a big deal because it is a big deal. Not only that if we let people know that we care, or that something meant a lot to us and we gave it our all, that they can then help us if we fall/fail.
Kind of like this blog…I haven’t made a big deal about it…I put it on facebook, sometimes, and I have mentioned it directly to only a few people that told me they like hearing what I have to say. But then today I realized. Every time someone likes a post or I get a message that someone new is following, I’m motivated to keep going and I tell someone else just what I am doing. Revealing this side of me still scares the living crap out of me, but it’s YOU that is inspiring me to keep going for it sharing the contemplations of my heart and setting them free. So one of the braver things I can do right now is thank you because it is kind of a big deal.